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i like candy.
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i’ve completely mastered the triple inhale.
it’s a very successful technique that gives you a rush while conserving your supplies. end of story.
guess i’m not the only geneva travis in this world. unfortunately, we can’t all be queen.
the first step is admitting you have a problem.
as opposed to nancy reagan’s “just say no” or whitney houston’s “crack is whack” campaigns…here are reasons why the use of a specific drug (heroin) should be condoned based its ability to rhyme with other fun words.
drugs+ability to rhyme with fun words=catchy taglines.
1) heroin is fair…oin?
2) heroines choose heroin?
3) are you in? be cool and shoot up heroin.
4) if you drink lots of gin, try heroin.
5) if you wanna win, true athletes use heroin.
6) what really bonds kin is heroin.
7) want to be very thin? look no further than heroin!
8) don’t want a double chin? the answer is heroin!
9) more fun than toys of tin-heroin.
10) see everything you should have been, heroin!
11) extra encouragement for fucking him, prostute’s helper is heroin.
12) perhaps she thinks your dicks too slim? shoot her up with heroin.
13) give your mom a big old grin! for mother’s day, choose heroin.
14) been accused of having a brain the size of a pin? make it true with heroin.
warning: these taglines were made up by myself and my best friend sam in jest. we are in no way encouraging you to take up this highly addictive and dangerous drug as a result of our killer ryhmes.
my comforter will only fit a single bed, yet i want a double bed next year. this conversation ensues:
- sam:
- well if the covers still fit you should keep them since they're so flippin cool.
- me:
- or just not have fitting covers. just enough for me! tough luck for whatever fucker ends up there.
- sam:
- you should totally do that! i absolutely love it.
- me:
- me too. it shows my willingness to hook up, but my desire for a boy to leave immediately after said hook up ends. hook ups=good, commitment=bad.
- sam:
- it establishes you as the head honcho. the alpha dog. and it lets you know who are the assholes when they try to steal your comfort.
- me:
- like who would be dating material...IFF they were good in bed and didn't steal my covers.
- sam:
- basically. this is the first of many tests.
- me:
- others include slaying a dragon (not mythological), and allowing me unicorn rides whenever i please (also not mythological).
- sam:
- and serving you stoned carries from the holy grail. and he must be able to recite bnl lyrics on the spot?
- me:
- i thought those where givens. by yes, those as well. no holy grail...no geneva.
- sam:
- one day things like a unicorn and a dragon and holy grail will magically appear and some non-cover stealing hookup from the night before is going to manage whilst hungover to appropriately slay, ride, or serve with said objects. then you will be wed. i will recite this at your wedding.
- me:
- i will record this somewhere. perhaps my newly used blog so it will be documented properly.
- and alas.. this post.
